Alien: Romulus

Cosplaying the original two films like Goonies in Space. The set design and practical effects were superb but it all fell apart quickly. Shaking my head at facehuggers impatiently tapping their fingers for a snifter of heat, sound or sweat. Then shouting ‘oh come on!’ as ~50 of the creatures missed their targets like the aimless uzi spraying henchmen of an action movie. Cringing at the zero gravity acid ballet bullshit, the completely unnecessary Ash AI slop, the constant ‘bring me up to speed via the vid-screen’ recap, the accelerated gestation period. The actor playing the synthetic was a thin thread preventing the film from falling apart and me from switching off, until ‘get away from her [awkward beat] you bitch’ – Did he just look at the camera? He just looked at the camera! He winked! He fucking winked! URHG!!! – It took too much from the original while saying nearly nothing original. I kept thinking ‘what does this remind me of?’ and then I remembered. Star Wars The Force Awakens. Can you pander to hardcore fans while pulling in a whole new generation? No.